you say potato, I say quality of life.
Jun. 13th, 2010 03:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eleanorjaneI've been reading around the responses to Robin Hobb being WRONG WRONG WRONG about how you can get through mental illness if you just Think Happy and it'll make you a better artist in the long run and pardon me while I trail off into an enraged mumble about all the stupid wrong hurtful shit she said.
The general tenor of the responses was along the lines of "who says shit like that, everyone knows she's wrong" andavendya pointed out that actually, yes, people do say shit like that all the time. People do tell you that it's all in your head and if you just think positive you'll get better. People do harrumph disapprovingly when you buy a box of painkillers within a couple of weeks of buying the previous box. People do tell you all the goddamn time that your health problems would just go away if you lost weight or stopped medicating so much or spent less time on the computer.
Fuck that. I am so angry when this shit happens, and it makes me angriest when it happens around issues of mental health.
My best friend has been wrestling, for a number of years, with anxiety disorder and depression. The depression has been gradually getting worse for years; the anxiety hit three years ago and nearly destroyed his life. I've spent the last god knows how long trying, fruitlessly, to convince him that mental health issues are just as legitimate as physical ones, that nobody would expect him to heal a broken leg with the power of positive thinking, and that he should hie himself to a doctor posthaste.
And I have held him day after day as anxiety attacks rendered him incapable of doing anything but crying and pleading for it to stop. I have counselled, cajoled, consoled and supported him with constructive ideas and positivity and empathy and supportive noises. I've tried to stage mini-interventions to get his ass to someone who can help him. And through it all I've seen my oldest beloved friend - who is more like my twin brother than any kind of friend - losing more and more ground, as more of his life gets gobbled up by it.
(I say this not because I think I deserve a medal; this is something any supportive friend would do. I say "I" only because he wouldn't trust anyone else with his stuff, because he couldn't bear to look weak. So. much. rage. at the world for that one, I can tell you.)
Now, finally, due to an external factor he could no longer avoid, he's seen someone professional about it. He has medication. It is working. (God bless Effexor.) For the first time in I can't remember how long, he's happy; more importantly, he's capable of being happy, and now someone in his family thinks to tell him that there's a long family history of depression, et cetera? RARGH.
He would have seen a doctor about this years ago if there weren't this ridiculous fucking stereotype of mental illness not being 'real', not being worthy of treatment, being 'acting out' for attention, being something you can just get over if you'd just toughen up, princess.
FUCK THAT. There should be no more stigma about brain chemistry that needs medication than asthma or diabetes or migraines or ... oh wait, they all have that ridiculous image as not being 'real', don't they? Fuck that, too. When you can heal your broken leg or your skin cancer or your ebola with positive thinking, losing weight, or just gritting your teeth, then I'll try them as treatment options for depression, chronic pain, or anything else you don't think is worthy of medical treatment. Sound fair?
ETA: Yes, this should probably go on my "RL" journal, but there's a ton of readers there who know him and I'm really not in the mood for dealing with deraily concern trolling about "yes but losing weight would help with chronic pain" from the lurkers who read me over there.
The general tenor of the responses was along the lines of "who says shit like that, everyone knows she's wrong" and
avendya pointed out that actually, yes, people do say shit like that all the time. People do tell you that it's all in your head and if you just think positive you'll get better. People do harrumph disapprovingly when you buy a box of painkillers within a couple of weeks of buying the previous box. People do tell you all the goddamn time that your health problems would just go away if you lost weight or stopped medicating so much or spent less time on the computer.Fuck that. I am so angry when this shit happens, and it makes me angriest when it happens around issues of mental health.
My best friend has been wrestling, for a number of years, with anxiety disorder and depression. The depression has been gradually getting worse for years; the anxiety hit three years ago and nearly destroyed his life. I've spent the last god knows how long trying, fruitlessly, to convince him that mental health issues are just as legitimate as physical ones, that nobody would expect him to heal a broken leg with the power of positive thinking, and that he should hie himself to a doctor posthaste.
And I have held him day after day as anxiety attacks rendered him incapable of doing anything but crying and pleading for it to stop. I have counselled, cajoled, consoled and supported him with constructive ideas and positivity and empathy and supportive noises. I've tried to stage mini-interventions to get his ass to someone who can help him. And through it all I've seen my oldest beloved friend - who is more like my twin brother than any kind of friend - losing more and more ground, as more of his life gets gobbled up by it.
(I say this not because I think I deserve a medal; this is something any supportive friend would do. I say "I" only because he wouldn't trust anyone else with his stuff, because he couldn't bear to look weak. So. much. rage. at the world for that one, I can tell you.)
Now, finally, due to an external factor he could no longer avoid, he's seen someone professional about it. He has medication. It is working. (God bless Effexor.) For the first time in I can't remember how long, he's happy; more importantly, he's capable of being happy, and now someone in his family thinks to tell him that there's a long family history of depression, et cetera? RARGH.
He would have seen a doctor about this years ago if there weren't this ridiculous fucking stereotype of mental illness not being 'real', not being worthy of treatment, being 'acting out' for attention, being something you can just get over if you'd just toughen up, princess.
FUCK THAT. There should be no more stigma about brain chemistry that needs medication than asthma or diabetes or migraines or ... oh wait, they all have that ridiculous image as not being 'real', don't they? Fuck that, too. When you can heal your broken leg or your skin cancer or your ebola with positive thinking, losing weight, or just gritting your teeth, then I'll try them as treatment options for depression, chronic pain, or anything else you don't think is worthy of medical treatment. Sound fair?
ETA: Yes, this should probably go on my "RL" journal, but there's a ton of readers there who know him and I'm really not in the mood for dealing with deraily concern trolling about "yes but losing weight would help with chronic pain" from the lurkers who read me over there.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-12 08:45 pm (UTC)Ahahahaaha there is very, very little that fills me with more immediate rage than someone telling me that. Especially when it comes from a mental health professional, and especially when it comes from one who's over the age of 40. It's like, okay! I get that you think I would feel better if I spent more time with my friends! And that studies have shown that face-to-face interaction is better for you than non-face-to-face!
Except... my closest "healthy" friends (ie, ones for whom my mental illness does not feed off of their mental illness and vice versa) live eight hours away. And I am not quite sure how I am supposed to make more friends near me when I have not found anyone I'd want to hang out with at stictch & bitches, book clubs, SCA events, gaming nights, university classes, etc. And I am pretty sure that spending eight or so hours every day socializing with my friends online is healthier for me than spending a couple hours trying not to punch the person I'm hanging out with in the face.
:) But I guess I just need to be more tolerant of sexism and racism and homophobia and transphobia and...
>:(
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-12 09:53 pm (UTC)The abovementioned best friend gets a ridiculous amount of shit from his family - both his wife and his parents - for the amount of time he spends on the computer. Thing is, the internet is a cheap and easy and ACCESSIBLE social life, all of which are prerequisites when you have two boys under five and a wife who works nights.
I am ever-thankful that my family groks the fact that the internet is good for me.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-15 09:27 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-14 02:54 am (UTC)